Adjusting to divorce isn’t always easy for children, but parents have the opportunity to help them learn how to cope. One thing that children will feel, but potentially be unable to express, is how the loss of control in their lives and routines impacts them. That’s why it’s smart for parents to give back control where and when it’s possible to do so.

To start with, think about your child’s routine. Going between homes, getting on different custody schedules and potentially having different routines in each home can be a problem. While you and your ex-spouse can discuss ways to make your bedtime routines or schooling routines similar, your child may benefit from having some say. For instance, if your child always likes to have a bedtime story before they go to sleep, encourage them to pick out a story each evening. You may even want to take them to a store to pick out some new stories to have at each home.

Another way to give back some control is to allow them to participate in the creation of their new bedroom (or bedrooms, if both parents move to new homes). By creating a space that they’re excited to be in, they’ll be much happier to travel back and forth to their new homes.

As parents, you’re going to have your work cut out for you no matter what your situation is. Try to be patient with your children and be open to talking with them about what they need. If your struggles are based on issues like poor communication or relocation, then you may want to discuss your options with your attorney.