If you are going through a divorce, you may be experiencing a wide range of unpleasant emotions over the last few months, whether that’s anger, shame, guilt or heartbreak. Dealing with these emotions in a healthy way can be one of the most difficult aspects of a divorce, and it deserves just as much attention and recognition as the more logistical aspects of a divorce.
If you are experiencing guilt or shame during the process, this is common, and it could be due to a number of reasons. The first step you should take when you are dealing with guilt is to pinpoint the reasons why you are feeling guilty, and then to question the validity of this reason, before working on forgiving yourself.
Why you may feel guilty
Focus on what types of events trigger your feeling of guilt. It could be when your children question when they will next see their other parent, or when your divorcing spouse expresses their upset for the breakdown of the relationship. Naming the reason for your guilt can be instrumental for resolving it.
Question the validity of your guilt
You may be able to pinpoint your feeling of guilt to the fact that you were unfaithful. You may regret your actions and then continue blaming yourself. However, when you take the time to assess your actions, you may conclude that you were doing the best you could considering the situation you were in. You may have felt lonely, abandoned and unsupported. When attention was offered to you outside of the marriage, you felt that you needed that support. You are only human, and you were doing the best you could.
Focus on forgiving yourself
We can never change the past — we can only control how we respond to present circumstances. Doing the best you can now, and not holding onto guilt is the only way to move forward positively.
If you are going through a divorce, make sure that you manage the process properly by having a solid divorce strategy in place.